Don’t Delay: Tips for How to Talk to Family About Money

The holidays are a time for joy and celebration, but they can also bring stress and sorrow. Amidst the festivities, discussing finances might seem daunting, but it can also be a source of relief and support. Open dialogue about goals, future plans, and financial security could generate relief rather than anxiety among family members, especially when approached with care and comfort for their financial well-being. Family financial planning may be just what your family needs this year.

Here are some ideas to help you prepare for having a positive discussion with family about money during the holidays:

Identify your goals

Before initiating a financial discussion, clarify your objectives. Do you aim to educate family members about your financial situation? Address any concerns such as saving and spending? Discuss your estate plan to help minimize conflicts? Or perhaps talk about a business succession plan? These are common topics, but you may have other priorities. Be clear about your expectations and remain open to new opportunities that may arise.

Communicate to family members ahead of time

Even with the best intentions, surprising family members with a financial discussion can create tension. Inform them in advance to allow time to prepare questions or concerns. This also helps gauge their initial reactions or sensitivities, informing you on how to approach each member. If beneficial, consider having a third-party mediator.

Bring talking points

Prepare talking points to stay focused on your objectives. Share these topics with family members beforehand or create an agenda or checklist. At Mercer Advisors, we have checklists covering various financial topics like retirement and estate planning. If discussing end-of-life preparations — or providing a record of your accounts, assets, and advisors — is a priority, consider downloading our Family Records Workbook. You can provide a copy to each of your adult children before or during the discussion.

Gauge the reaction

Observe how family members respond to the discussion and adjust accordingly. If someone shuts down or becomes emotional, pause the conversation or approach it differently. Anticipate potential tension or conflict and plan how to address these challenges. Reactions may reveal areas needing attention, such as a lack of understanding about investing or cash-flow management.

Create a discussion

Foster an open discussion rather than a lecture or mandate about financial outcomes. Cover multiple topics like health care, long-term care, insurance, taxes, and property, if they align with your goals. Listen to feedback and, if you can’t respond immediately, assure them you’ll follow up later — and make sure you do.

Ask family members to share

Encourage openness by asking family members to share their experiences with financial decisions. Be mindful of those who may not want to share and respect their choice. Listening to others can help them feel included. Think of it as a family version of team building.

Consider a theme

Tailor your discussion to the holiday. For Thanksgiving, focus on goals related to gratitude and giving, like donating to a family charity fund. In December, discuss gifts ideas such as creating an IRA for a teen or consulting with a financial advisor. For New Year’s, suggest a one-year plan for achieving financial goals, with or without check-ins.

Make an actionable plan

Conclude the discussion with a clear plan. Whether it’s following through on your objectives or creating a shared family goal, assign tasks and ask for volunteers. If your goal was to inform family members of your financial or estate plans, update them on any future changes. Keeping everyone involved post-discussion can increase the likelihood of success.

Involve a third-party

If you need assistance with family financial discussions or prefer a mediator, a financial advisor can be invaluable. Our advisors are experienced in guiding families through significant events, ongoing health and support issues, and preparing the next generation for financial success by preserving family wealth. We’re here to help.

A family office for your family

The concept of a family office, first established by J.D. Rockefeller in 1882, was designed to manage the financial and investment needs of ultra-high-net-worth individuals and their families.¹ At Mercer Advisors, we’ve adapted this sophisticated, time-tested approach to make it accessible to more families. Our goal is to help you amplify and simplify your financial lives.

Whether or not you are a Mercer Advisors client, and want assistance with how to talk to family about money or family financial planning, let’s talk.

1. “The History of the Family Office,” Private Wealth & Family Office Association, 2024.